Waiting, sitting, wishing...

I watched some of V for Vendetta (not all of it because my dvd player suddenly stopped working), and it switched my mind into deep mode. When I am in deep mode, I have to write because I have no one to talk to...

Why are we weak as humans? It takes a giant leap for us to be brave! Bravery can be something big or small, anything. Also bravery is sometimes used in terms when selfishness should be in place.

Why so synical may you ask? Well I am not brave....I know many people not brave. I know I need an opportunity to show bravery. I have failed at a lot of past attempts, but I am not afraid of death. Do I want to die no? That is something I no longer yurn for, but something I patiently am hopefull to. Pain is not nice, but if pain is going to attribute to my dying then so be it. For pain is only of this world.

Wow much deeper than I expected to be!

I don't wish upon anyone the longing of death, because with this longing comes the symptom of losing all hope. That is truly death because you are not living for anything.

The past days I know God has been strengthening me. How do I know? I know not only because of hardships, but also because of a message in my secular educational studies. The quote I must mention reads of this to these words: I have to trust God because there is no utter way it is true!

I want to be brave for my faith. I want people to know I trust God even though there is no reason for it to be true.

People (including myself) get caught up in little things. It is so hard to see past our daily lives into the big picture. Unless you take yourself out of your daily life for a while, sometimes it seems so hard to recgonize the outer world.

I want my new place to look nice and focusing on it being what I percieve as a nice looking home. I should be focusing on the blessing of a home, of the small previsions I have in my cupboards, and the few people I know for certain care about me.
Life sucks, but if it didn't would we be able to see the rays of sunshine?

PS.Sorry for rambling....no friends equal lots of rambles on the blog! Much love

1:30 in the morning and I don't see the back of my eyelids!

Uck, I can't sleep. It sucks. I can't go into for fear of someone finding it. What if this is a lie? I am in love with Jesus and should be feeling amazing. I don't I feel like crapola!
I love Jesus so much he should be all I need. So does that mean forget about the not so happy things.?
ps. really wierd thing to say but watching Beyonce's mew music video- want to dance like her!

going to rub my tears off on the lovely giant gracie!!!

Lonely

Last night my husband went to a beer festival with my Uncle Vinne. I had an awesome day with my mom. We hadn't had a day like that in a like that in a while! Then in the evening I was alone. It would have felt silly going out by myself. In truth it is hard for me to have friends, and without Simon I feel out of place.
It is really hard to find my place in my new life. I know that I am definatly a wife...but it is very hard to see what else I am.
I get lonely often with out Simon.
That is why I am writing right now, I am lonely. I am sad, but I am not going to turn that lonely sadness into something negative.
It is better today release those feelings instead of botteling them all up.
I pray I may feel better very soon!